Surviving Infertility

I never realized how complicated Mother’s Day could be before today.

Today, I thought a lot about all the loving couples still trying to hard to get to parenthood. My heart and hopes are with you.

I thought about the mumbrls on here, who have had success with their fertility treatments, as we thankfully have as well.

I thought about my own mom, who is far away. I won’t get to see her today, but I’m grateful she’s out of the hospital (unfortunately her health means she’s in it a lot) and I’ll get to see her this summer.

A friend’s mom passed away today from cancer. Our thoughts are with him and his family.

And I got to celebrate my first mother’s day today as a mom-to-be. DH got me a card saying as much and it made me so happy.

Best wishes to you all today.

Today, I’m 15 weeks pregnant! 2nd trimester, it’s like a switch went off for symptoms, everything is so much milder than in the 1st trimester. I still have cravings, I still have aversions, I still get a touch of nausea now and then, but it’s all so much more muted, it’s better. The biggest symptom now, is my belly. I look pregnant now, not just like I gained a bit of weight in my gut. I like the pregnant belly, I rub it all the time :)

The only thing I miss from the fertility clinic (I feel weird saying that) are the weekly ultrasounds so we get to see our baby regularly. We haven’t had an ultrasound yet with the OB/GYN, just listened to the heartbeat, which was amazing, but I wanna see the baby again.

I do actually go back to the fertility clinic next week for the 2nd blood test as part of the NT screening, maybe they’ll do one? I kinda hope they do, so we get a new pic.

Too bad there’s not some home ultrasound device. Although it’s not all that good for us, and I think all the pregnant ladies would overuse it, wouldn’t we?

Don’t mind me, this virus has me super grumpy and I want to rant.

For someone to show up to work, sick, especially when they know they’ll be working closely with a pregnant woman, seems like the most inconsiderate thing in the world to me right now. Pregnancy lowers your immune system, sick people shouldn’t be around us! I’m sick because of someone else’s lack of consideration. Arg.

I’m setting an example and working at home.

I don’t get them, DH does. I believe I had one once, years ago, when I came down with bronchitis. I don’t even get headaches that often. But, with this head cold, I’ve had a headache two days straight with some weird symptoms I don’t normally get… sensitivity to light and sound. I can’t keep my computer screen on for long (which is tough as I need it for my job) and I can’t listen to music, watch TV or keep the lights on in the house.

I’ve heard those are more symptoms of migraines.

Plus, Tylenol doesn’t seem to help and it helps my headaches. Is that a migraine? What do I do during pregnancy for that?

I’ve went and caught a head cold. I catch colds and other bugs easily as it is, and pregnancy suppresses your immune system further, making me all the more vulnerable to infection and viruses. So, it’s not like I’m not used to being sick, but now I have all this stupid anxiety that’s built up with it too.

Of course, I worry about the baby more than me, although a cold shouldn’t harm him/her, I worry about the baby having to survive in my weak body. Thinking I have a weak body that doesn’t work right is very much a psychological side effect of having to go through infertility treatment. So on top of being sick, I just feel shitty about myself. 

DH told me to, “stop being so dramatic.”

Not exactly empathetic or helpful.

We are now officially in our second trimester!!! Best milestone yet, this is amazing, I feel so good today.

…for the first time ever. 

Our OBGYN (2nd time seeing him was today) warned us that we may not hear it because it’s so early, but don’t panic if we don’t because we just had an ultrasound and know everything is fine. But, he said we have a bit of a better chance of hearing it (around 60%) because I’m so skinny.

So, he goo’d up my belly with that ultrasound gel and placed the gizmo on it and immediately the sound of the baby’s heartbeat filled the room. Wow!!! What an incredible thing to hear. The doctor said, “well, that was easy!”

That’s how DH’s birthday started today, hearing his child’s heartbeat for the first time. That’s a once-in-a-lifetime birthday gift.

I feel old-fashioned sick, not pregnancy sick, in the stomach. That and the symptoms yesterday (which are improving), but I think I ate something that had badies in it. 

What to Expect says the remedies for a stomach bug during pregnancy are pretty much the same as for non-pregnancy, except I gotta watch for what meds I take to make symptoms better.

I see my doctor (OBGYN) tomorrow morning, so I can ask him about what to take then, but probably won’t need anything by then. Although, good to know in case I eat something bad again.

So I guess the day will be spent in bed today.

WARNING: this post is rude.

I’ll start by saying that I’m SO happy that I don’t to shove that waxy progesterone mess up my vag 4x a day anymore and have it melt out an hour later like disgusting candle wax (sorry for being crass, but that shit was nasty). 

I thought coming off all these drugs suddenly would have some side effects and I was right. I was already too graphic in the paragraph above, so I’ll speak in tongues now. Progesterone can stop certain things you want to happen regularly from happening. Now that this is suddenly gone and given my main cravings now are for fruit.. I’m not feeling so well today…

I’m supposed to go to a birthday party shortly, but I’m a bit afraid to leave the house.